Why am I so Angry?

Trauma of Losing a loved one to Suicide is as catastrophic on par with that of a concentration camp experience.

My hallway wall bears the scar of my first Anger rage outburst. My special needs brother had returned home and was giving me some argument about some insignificant issue. I went to level 10 in a heartbeat. My rage screamed and I kicked my foot repeatedly through the plasterboard wall. I knew at that point I had to send my brother back to our Mums house to live. I just could not cope with him and it wasn’t fair on him at all.

Standing in the bank and not being served quickly enough, shouting at the top of my voice “I AM HERE”. Road rage incidents were very strange, wanting to inflict injuries on random people driving cars and making minor mistakes. People looking at you in a certain way trying to provoke a situation. Shouting and arguing with family over minor issues. The social filter gets ripped up and at times it was quite scary, other times there was anger and no emotion of adrenalin of feeling no fear. I wanted to take Thor’s hammer to everything and smash the whole world into a million pieces.

Anger of why did my love one take their life this way and I didn’t get me the chance to help them.